Tempus fugit. Or “Time flies” as it’s usually transferred to English. Ain’t that the terrible and cynical truth, my fellow Roman inheritors?
And speaking of cynical, let us put on our critics costumes (or haters, if you ask the critiqued themselves) and take some time to visualize, with characteristic human glee, the potential downfall of others. I am speaking of 6 possible cases of food for Oblivion, which seem so obvious that it’s no wonder that not many are talking about them since, you know, no one pretty much cares.
This one’s pretty logical. You see, if your first hit is based on the shock value of being sooooo silly that it looks like you worked your ass off and took that silliness … seriously to make it work, chances are you’ll find it very difficult to follow-up this act. (Apart from this whole scenario sounding like “Inception” logic). And guess what? PSY really didn’t. He tried launching some other songs after Gangnam style but they weren’t even in the same league (of silliness, of course). Notice how I don’t know their names, as literally none of my friends or acquaintances came to spam me with them. Q.E.D.
2. Courtney Stodden
Remember the awesomely annoying Percy Wetmore (the corrections officer in “Green Mile”), as portrayed by Anthony “Doug” Hutchinson? And the also freaky but for different reasons Horace Goodspeed DHARMA initiative leader from “Lost”, played by the same? Ok. Now how about Hutchinson’s (then) 16 year old wife when they married, Courtney Stodden? … Eeeeexactly. You might have heard of her at the time, in connection with her relatively popular husband and because of the scandal of the erm… 51 vs. 16 years, get-permission-to-marry-scandal. But that’s probably gonna be it for this couple in the future.
3. Tay Zonday
“Chocolate raaaaain”… Yeah, that guy. Admittedly intriguing to hear that big beer cask meets a deep cave type of voice, combined with the psychedelic(?) lyrics that would make sense to Keith Rogers and coming from the surprisingly young and not ogre-bodied Tay, it was just an oddity. And oddities have a tendency to be forgotten, because they have no inherent value. Because… there’s so many of them around. Who knows what will pop up into your Facebook feed next? In any case, probably not Tay Zonday, who tried to release some other songs but to no avail.
4. Myspace Tom
Ah, yes. Myspace. A Greek Tragedy if ever there was one. Or… not. I mean, sure, it was revolutionary at the time, as artists of all levels were trying to figure out this whole digital era of music thing, from the ultra-popular to the one man band with a desktop mike. Sure it seemed like the only place to be if you wanted to get your music out to people, with or without selling your soul, and more horrifyingly, your creative liberties, to some record company. But then, due to the technological and mentality shifts of the music industry, Myspace became irrelevant. And so did Myspace Tom (Thomas Anderson), the friendly co-founder, along with Chris DeWolf, that would spam you with emails while you were on the platform, trying to help.
5. Reese Witherspoon
This one should be blatantly obvious. Name one big movie appearance that Reese Witherspoon has had in… a gzillion years (as calculated in modern digital era years in which a day can change anything for a career). After she shot to fame with “Cruel Intentions” and stayed there with the “Legally Blond” series and the like, she just started fading. To the point at which younger generations already most likely have no idea who she is. The last memorable role (as per the subjective opinions of many), might be considered the one she played in “Walk The Line”. In … 2005. 10 years ago. An AGE, in internet times. Also, the fact that her most recent news appearance consists of her husband being pulled over for drunk driving, along with her feisty attitude towards the police, isn’t helping.
6. The Kardashians
It used to be that the hope that the Kardashians would disappear, despite being an ardent desire of many less “consume-everything-offered” inclined individuals, was buffeted by the inexplicable multitudes who actually followed this family’s absolutely irrelevant lives and their null contributions to show bizz and society as a whole. Sure, Kim “broke the Internet” (damn the phrase to Tartarus) with her stunt, and raised a few eyebrows as marketing-by-sex is wont to do, but in retrospect, we can see that that’s all it was: a desperate stunt. Because, ladies and gentlemen, queue in the triumphal chorus and elated voices, people are finally starting to get over the Kardashians. The signs are there. And perhaps in a few years we will hear of them no more. However, queue in the tragic anti-climax violins, it’s almost guaranteed that some… thing… else will take their place which will be equally irrelevant and spamming. May Jupiter guard us.