Amazon is famous not only for its customer service and extensive catalog of goods and services but also its devoted base of users who provide thoughtful reviews. This honesty is critical if an online marketplace is to function effectively.
But a few customers have not been satiated by mere honesty, attempting instead to elevate their review to the status of art. Here we have compiled and analyzed the 3 most creatively dense Amazon reviews.
Bring On The Bacon!
The first review on our list is fascinating for its witty usage of puns as well as its discovery of a bacon-colored bandage. This is an example of a review that is creative gold less because of its commentary and more because of what it is commenting on. What else could a bored internet browser possibly desire but bacon, healing, and comedy? Bacon is so often considered injurious to health, so we can already see a strange paradox developing: that death and life are curiously intertwingled in the deep chasm of the internet.
Furthermore, there’s something about a pun that is simultaneously disconcerting and uplifting. Perhaps it’s the density of meaning, which reminds us that there are multiple layers to existence, not just the current illusion we are maintaining. And yet, this means that we can control our realities to some degree and adapt to each moment. Puns are a great way to expand our minds through the vehicle of surface-level comedy, and this reviewer surely knows the art of a great pun.
Also, the fact that over 4000 people even visited the webpage for this product, let alone found this review helpful, is an indication of the creative genius of the reviewer, a notorious cyber vigilante who brings a much-needed lightness and satirical edge to the rabbit-hole of Amazon. The reviewer, who has racked up quite a following judging by his Amazon profile, also loves to review cat shirts, unicorn meat, and UFO detectors.
To Milk Or Not To Milk?
In this example, the product that is being reviewed is less important than the form and content of the review. In an epic display of poetic bravado, this reviewer has written a poem inspired by Tuscan Dairy’s 75$ milk in imitation of Edgar Allen Poe’s The Raven.
Such an indulgent review is certainly consistent with the exorbitant nature of this product. Judging by how ingenious and well-crafted the poem is, the reviewer is likely some kind of writer or literature-buff. The mystery surrounding the author of such a beautiful piece of writing becomes a work of art in itself, mocking the idea of a ghost writer creating vapid, paid customer reviews by going so excessively in the opposite direction.
In fact, the poem is so inventive that it should arguably be included in the curriculum of grade-school English. Experts agree that milk builds strong bones and is critical for health. And our first food as infants is the milk of our mothers. So, it makes sense to write an ode to milk, right? Such a theme would be more appropriate for adolescent exegesis than Lenore, the long-lost love in Poe’s famous paean to death and darkness. Jokes aside, this review is crazy not only for its length but for its romantic temperament.
O Captain! My Captain!
The sarcasm in this review is so lavish that you almost forget that the product is a boring book about huge ships. In typical post-modern style, this reviewer uses excessive irony to mock the destructive style of (over)-parenting that has become so pervasive in our modern society. The term “huge ships” is repeated so frequently (almost every sentence) that the phrase becomes a kind of anxious refrain, and the review a kind of patronizing song concerning the innocence of childhood, or perhaps more abstractly, the loss that accompanies change.
Once again, we have a customer review that uses comedy to allude to tragedy – a hallmark of great art. The tragedy here is the trauma and dependency that results from being sheltered from painful experience. Children must experience loss in order to appreciate existence. And yet, all too often, parents project their neurotic fears onto their children at every stage of development. This ultimately undermines the confidence of the child. The reason this review is so crazy is because it contains gems of psychological insight buried beneath its farcical façade.
What’s also fascinating is that this review is the epitome of the term “trolling”, as the reviewer sarcastically deconstructs the product to expose the following paradox: the product is so unnecessary and outdated that it ends up conveying truth through symbolism.
It should be evident now that the craziest and most creative customer reviews on Amazon all stem from a curious combination of comedy and truth. Some of these are playful and gentle and use the product itself as a vehicle for communication. Other reviews are deeper and indirectly provocative, using poetry and metaphor to achieve their noble goals of enlightenment and entertainment. Regardless of the route, Amazon has facilitated the birth of a new art form: the customer review.