When you’re under the influence there are many things you shouldn’t do, such as drive, go to the ATM machine, eat Taco Bell and many others, but there is one thing that you should never, ever do and that is text someone (it’s also one of those things that you should never do after a breakup, in case you were wondering). If you’re somewhere buzzed out of your mind, then most likely you’re in the mood to chat and reminisce and we’ve got ten people you should never, ever text while drunk so read on and take notes for when you need it.
10. The Person You’re Dating or Planning to Date
They’re probably the first person you feel like texting when you’re drunk, because that’s when you get all giddy and horny. If you have a crush on someone and they share your feelings try to resist texting them, because you could scare them off… then again, if you text them and they still want to be with you, then you’ve got a keeper.
If you suddenly get the feeling to text your teachers when you’re sitting in a bar drinking, then you have some issues that need to be resolved outside the bar. If you really do want to text one of your teachers, please tell someone you trust about this and maybe they’re sober enough to stop you in your tracks. You wouldn’t want to mess your chances at graduation!
8. Your Landlord
Remember that time when the stove broke and I had to fix it myself because you were out of town?! You still owe me some money, you bastard, so pay up, or I’ll bring a couple of my friends over and teach you some manners!!! Congratulations, you no longer have a place to stay! Good luck finding something else!
7. You Grandparents
While you’re out drinking and painting the town red, your grandmother and grandfather have been sleeping for 8 hours straight or they might be up and getting the paper. Don’t text them while drunk, because they’re going to worry about you and doing that to your grandparents is a horrible thing that should be avoided at all costs.
Your aunt doesn’t need to know about that thing that you did to her cat when you were twelve… at three in the morning through a text message. If you’re close to your relatives, they might find it funny, but if you only see them at Christmas, then you’re probably going to have a very embarrassing Christmas.
5. Your Boss
Texting your boss while you’re drunk is like poking a bear in the eye with a stick: stuff is going to get ugly… for you, not the bear. Resist the temptation to do it, no matter how urgent you think your message is for them. If you want to tell them how great they are, wait until the morning, when you can tell them to their face or through a proper email. If you want to tell them how much they suck, stop. Without your job, you’d probably not have a phone to text.
4. A Person Who’s In Your Contacts but Can’t Remember who They Are
Imagine receiving a text in the dead of night that reads Hey, who are you? I’ve got your number in my contacts and I can’t remember who you are!!! What would go through your sleepy head? That’s a very rude thing to do and one thing that should tell you to never text while drunk. Besides, learn to clean up your contact list every now and then to avoid sending embarrassing text the one above.
3. You Entire List of Contacts
I know someone who’s done this and he regretted it beyond reason. He was drunk and he wanted to get laid, so he sent a text saying Who wants to f**k? to his entire contact list. That’s right, everyone! The funny thing is that he did get a few replies and he did end up getting laid that night, but at what cost, I ask you? Do not send mass messaged while drunk. Nothing good can ever come out of that.
2. Mom and Dad
Why in sweet God’s name would you want to text your mom and dad when you’re drunk? Why is it that you want to tell them so badly that it can’t wait until the morning, or until you’re sober? If you want to tell them how much you love them, trust me, they know it. If you want to throw stuff in their faces, don’t be jerk and save it for when you’re sober and if you still got the balls to do it, go right ahead.
1. Your Ex
The urge to text your ex while drunk has to do with all those unspoken words left between you after the breakup. It’s your desire to communicate how much you miss them, hate them, wish they would come back or let them know how well you’re doing. All that can be said nicely, not through a text in the middle of the night after you’ve had more than your fair share of tequila. Texting your ex while drunk is a huge mistake and should be avoided at all costs. You know there’s an app for that, right?
Do you text while drunk? Have you ever texted something completely embarrassing that you wished you could take back? Have you ever cringed the morning after a night out while checking your sent items? Share your story in the comment section below.